The Secret to Happiness

Unhappiness can make us toxic to ourselves and the people we care about. Not letting go of past hurts and holding on to pain and disappointment can ruin any one's life. The biggest tragedy is that the secret of finding happiness is amazingly simple. Happiness won't come in the form of a lover, great job, or streak of good luck. Sure, those things are great, but they won't make us happy. A new pair of cute shoes or a slice of cheesecake can give anyone a momentary feeling of euphoria, but it doesn't last. In fact, over spending and over indulging can lead to feelings of guilt and self loathing once that initial high wears off.

I was an unhappy person. I discovered true happiness three years ago, and once I found it, it turned on my inner GPS that leads to contentment and joy every day. Sometimes I've gone in a different direction out of old habit, but I eventually wise up and follow the highlighted route.

The first step to achieving bliss is to let go of all the past villains in our lives who put us in this unhealthy state. For me, it meant taking a painful look at my childhood, and then forgiving my antiheroes for every slight that poisoned my ability to be joyful. Nothing poisons our soul quicker than hatred. I still have a few people on my short list, but those people are new arrivals whom I'm just not ready to release. I think I'll do that today. Hatred makes my soul heavy. Which is why the Egyptian goddess Ma'at weighs a person's soul to determine if they can enter Heaven. Only those whose soul is lighter than a feather may find eternal peace and joy. So, adios Dannenberg, Rose and Scott.

The second step is to really look at yourself and love who you see. I procrastinate, am often disorganized and messy,I've got a big belly, thinning hair and I cracked a few back teeth because I grind and gnash my teeth in my sleep. I don't beat myself up for any of these things. I see all the wonderful things about me, first. So, when these other things enter my mind, I see how some flaws make me real, and how there is a beauty in imperfection as it makes me unique.

The third step is learning how to pick your battles. It is not healthy to be passive, but it is probably less healthy to be ready to do battle over everything. The other day I was watching "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and one of the husbands of the housewives said the smartest thing I ever heard someone say on the subject. He was chatting with some of the other husbands about the longevity of their marriages (or lack there of) and remarked that he had been with his wife since she was 21, which is almost 30 years of marriage. This caused the other men to question him about his secret. He gave the stock answer about not going to bed angry, but then handed out the real jewel...

"I choose to be happy over being right."

I worked for a woman who is a miserable, joy-killing, type A personality. After years of being jealous of her husband's family's large homes in Northern Virginia, she got what she wanted. Her husband bought her a big house in Nevada. Instead of enjoying her home, she spent all of her waking hours on her computer watching her workers via an ever-expanding number of video cameras. She would then get all worked up because I decorated a cake with yellow icing when she wanted red, or because she saw an otherwise conscientious worker send her boyfriend a text message. She took it as a personal slight when another great worker wanted to go on vacation with her family to Japan, and punished her by taking her off of the schedule for the rest of the summer. She turned everything into a big deal, and eventually she lost her staff, her sales, and was forced to hire, and keep, a staff that was sub par because she drove all of her good workers away with her unrealistic expectations of perfection and her need for total control.

You just can't turn everything into a big deal and expect to have felicity in your life. Life is not perfect. There are traffic jams, people "interpret" your instructions differently than you imagined, soda spills on your keyboard, one of your coworkers might walk off with your favorite pen, and you might get bleach on your favorite shirt. Things like this happen every day. Get over it and stop letting small mishaps turn into huge mood-killers. All of this falls under the category of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.... And It's All Small Stuff."

The last and most important step to finding your euphoria is the simplest. Like the husband of the Real Housewife, Lisa VanderPump, choose to be happy. Accept the people in your life for who they are and what they can give without pinning unrealistic expectations on them. Choose great experiences that you will always remember over buying something that will only allow you temporary fulfillment. Use all of the energy you put forth to complain about the mishaps of life to search within yourself for what makes you happy. Cut yourself a break and love the person you are, and give yourself permission to be happy. Happiness is not elusive. It is simply a decision. Decide to be happy and you will find the route magically highlighted in front of you.

Hands off my breasts and my 4th Amendment!

I wanted to introduce myself with my first, new blog. I had planned to write a witty commentary on women, men and why I prefer to fly solo. Recent events, however, have made me madder than a food starved, absinthe intoxicated Vinny Van Gogh during his knife to ear period.

This past March, an event occurred in my life that changed my priorities. My Aunt Bunny passed away from a long fight with cancer. She was the woman I grew up wanting to most be like. She was smart, cosmopolitan, fashionable and a world traveler. I know she had her lapses in judgment over a man or two, but she never allowed any of them to tie her down. She flew around the world and collected friends and great experiences as she went. She always returned with a great souvenir... a leather camel from Egypt, a small, marble statue of Venus De Milo from Rome, and evil eye pendant from Greece were my favorites. She encouraged me to travel too. I started young, traveling around the United States, but then life got in the way. Vacations were spent visiting friends and family, and I put aside my desire to see the world. The loss of a loved one often makes one reflect upon the fragile and fleeting nature of life. I realized that I had put off traveling the world long enough. I had just turned 42, and this was the year I got my passport.

I gave my mom a cruise to the Western Caribbean for her birthday. We traveled in October, and had the time of our lives. We toasted Aunt Bun, and laughed about how she'd never believe mom was drinking, never mind that she was traveling abroad. I plan on going to Bermuda in April, and perhaps in October again. Next year I've got my sites set on Europe. I might have to put that off, however. As much as I want to see the wonders of the world, I want to preserve my unalienable right of privacy and I want my government to do its one job... protect and uphold the Constitution.

I'm not sure when we, Americans, accepted the notion that the federal government's job is to provide for our personal safety and protect private property.... ummm.... that's a lie. I do know when, it was 9/12/01.

We were all panicking, and the government said, "We will protect you, but you are going to have to give up some rights."

We said, "Okay, just keep us safe."

Now I'm not going to say that some members of our own government plotted 9/11, but I am going to say that if you follow the money trail it doesn't only point in the direction of Osama Bin Laden. It points straight at Dick Cheney, George H.W. Bush and James Bakker III. The Bush family are no strangers to profiting from the pain and suffering of others. Prescott Bush (W's grandfather) made his fortune laundering money for the Nazis (money directly stolen from slaughtered Jews). George H.W. Bush just happened to be the head of the board of directors of the Carlysle Group, a defense and investment firm that represented the financial interests of his friends, the Bin Ladens as well as the financial interests of the Bush family. I swear this on my favorite zebra print pumps. Follow the money trail, but turn your head to its implications, because the government says it doesn't really matter.

The winfall-out of 9/11 doesn't stop there. Michael Chertoff, former Secretary of Homeland Security, ordered the "porno-scanners" while holding the position of Secy of Homeland Security. Only problem is that Rapscan, the company who makes the scanners (now being used at an airport near you) is one of Chertoff's paying clients. Hmmmmmmm......

Quick... look away. It's for your safety. They aren't robbing you of your privacy and punishing you with molestation if you refuse to use their high tech version of x-ray goggles to make money. It's to keep you safe. It's not important that Muslims are exempt from the invasive, sexually abusive body scans and breast groping "pat" downs because it "violates their religious beliefs". Hmmmm........

Musims attacked us on 9/11. The underwear bomber is Muslim. The shoe bomber is Muslim. The guys who attacked the USS Cole were Muslim, but we aren't feeling up the Muslims because we are affraid of offending them? Really?

So, how is molesting and robbing law abiding, innocent American citizens of their Constitutional rights going to keep us safe?

As Ben Franklin said, "They who would give up essential liberty for a small measure of safety deserve neither safety nor liberty." That's kind of the position we find ourselves, isn't it? Not really safe, definitely not free, and violated without so much as being treated to a fuzzy naval or a pomegranate martini.

I ask all American's to refuse the scans and the pat downs. I also ask that you call your congressmen and women to tell them to support Congressman Ron Paul's legislature to hold TSA agents personally accountable for their actions, which include molestation, sexual harassment, pornography, and child pornography.

Oh, and to scare you even more... the scanners haven't been proven to be safe. According to Congressman Paul and many other experts, they aren't safe. Think not flying is going to keep you safe? Wrong again. The scanners have been loaded into vans and are roving the streets of the US as I write this. Freedom is but an illusion. It's time to make it a reality, once again.